Sweet kisses.

After an ill-fated night of tent-making in the living room with giddy little boys, the inevitable happened...Mom exploded. I exploded in a rain of verbal vomit over my children. Toby was the least to blame for my frustrations, but chose to make a rude comment at the wrong time and received the brunt of my tantrum. After brusquely tucking them into bed while trying to take calming breaths, I began to cry. I had yelled at my darling son, my sweetheart boy, and yelled until his little face twisted up with tears which he tried to hide from me. I had let my temper get the best of me and the realization made my heart bleed tears. After a minute or two, I knelt beside Toby's bed and asked him to forgive me for treating him like that. He came out from under his pillow and gave me a hug. But he didn't stop there though. He put his little arms around my neck and said, "I forgive you Mommy" and then patted my cheek. Then he gave me little kisses on my eyes and the tip of my nose and giggled. What sweet redemption. I KNEW I was forgiven by him.

Something about this interaction has captured my thoughts all day. I KNEW that Toby forgave me and because I knew that, every time I began to feel guilty about how I had treated him, I reminded myself that I had been really forgiven and I let it go. Why then, don't I feel the same way about my sins before the Lord? Why do I feel like I need to wallow in my guilt for a season before I feel free from the sin I committed? You know God wants to kiss our tears of guilt away and giggle with us in restoration. His Spirit and His love for me is as sweet and innocent as my son's love for me, yet even more so. What have I believed that has made me feel anything less than that? I don't know the answer to that yet. I pray that God gives me that fresh breath, His perspective as he beholds me. In the mean time, I will try to hold my tongue and walk in that redeeming forgiveness that was shown to me through big brown eyes, skinny little boys arms, and sweet kisses.