Back to the keys...

I haven't sat and just pondered life with a keyboard for a LONG time. Dathan and I drove to Seattle this last week to pursue job opportunities out there and maybe some big changes for our family in the future. While driving, yes driving, there and back we had lots of time to talk about us, our family, and our place in this world and the one to come. I also had some good time to ponder my VERY full life and schedule in the mommy-seat. I switch roles like a European train station sign, constantly flipping to a new one, tick tick tick tick tick. I feed. I clean. I wipe tears. I teach. I referee. I hug. I toss. I yell. I greet. I remind. I chat. I coach. I cry. I create. I pray. I, I, I am who? In the midst of this swirl of my life, what remains constant about me? Who am I? Strip away the titles: mommy, wife, stylist, friend, sister, daughter, maid, cook... What remains true about me? I have a heart that longs to return to it's soft and safe resting place, God loves me. Just me. I don't have to strive to do, or be, anything. His love does not depend on how I look, what my parenting style is, how many chapters of the bible I read this morning, what my home looks like, if I train my children at home or send them off to school, the size of my backside. He just loves me. He delights in my laughter and cherishes each fallen tear. You know how in action movies during a really intense scene all of a sudden everything slows to a near stop, the camera spins around the room showing all sides of the situation, and then it goes slamming back into full sound and action? God's love is like that for me these days. Just a split second here, a fraction of a thought there and...comfort. The noise never changes, "MOM! He did this! Mom, can I just be with you? Waa! I need a new diaper. What time are we eating? Mom! The baby spit up! Hey, can you get this done? Can you meet me here? Can you go there?" but in the middle of it, ahhh, He loves me. Just me. I'm me.